And The Poets are just Kids who didn't Make it

Empty

2009-09-20T06:40:00.002+11:00

Happiness- the quality or state of being happy. Happiness has been with me for the past months. All of the drama for the past year evaporated and I am occupied with glee. Happiness fills my every being. It healed me. Being good at school, Having new friends, Moving on from past failures, Growth in the community, Playing the sport that I love. Everything. Everything that happened for the past months was nothing but pure happiness. And I have to admit, amidst all these I can feel the sadness.

I don't know, for the past days I am not feeling normal. It's like I haven't felt sadness for the longest time that when it came back it is bugging the hell out of me. I suddenly feel empty. I do not know what to do. It's really annoying me. And it has affected my relationship with my family, with my friends, and with my God badly.

I'm easily pissed when I'm at home because I can see all the mess, all the unorganized decisions and practices. And all of this happened when my dad decided to go to the US. Well, I thought that we can do it, but apparently, we can't. I miss him. He is the organizer and our planner. He pulls everything. He binds everything. And without him, our house is a mess. Every time I go home, I feel like I don't get the relaxing feeling that I should get because I'm home, instead I miss my dorm and wants to get out of our house as early as possible. Home is where the heart is but I guess my heart does not feel the home in our house.

My friends. I have not been with them for the past weeks. I have been busy for school and my community. I usually hang out with them every weekends but for the past weeks I'm stuck with either my school [studying and volleyball] or with the community. I lost communication with them and I don't know the latest about them. Although I am having a great time with my school friends, I am neglecting the friends I grew up with. Not only with my childhood friends but also my high school/ dlsu friends. I miss them. And know I'm with them, I can't seem to relate with them. I am lost.

My God. I am kinda disappointed. I know that he gave me this situation because he knows I can handle it. But No. I am messed up. I am not mad. I'm just a little bit disappointed. With everything that I am doing for him, I can't seem to feel the fruits of it. I know that I'm kinda unreasonable. But I can't help it. I'm really messed up. I know he will help me pull this off, but can you help me pull this off now? Please Lord, I don't want this feeling.

Last night, when I said that I need my alone time on Facebook, I did get it even for a few hours. Then I realized. I'm nor full or half-full. I am Empty.

Kaya ko pala.

2009-05-03T21:34:00.004+11:00

The Rest Of March
Yeah I know. My last post was dated last March. Tagal no. hahaha BUSY TIMES kasi eh. I never got the time to sit, think and write my emotions or any experiences on this blog. The whole March was a big blur. SCHOOL SCHOOL and SCHOOL. That's all I can remember. Since the final examanations was quickly approaching that time. That's why I had to be BUSY for school. hahaha Aside from school, my time was also wasted on my sport. We had games at Batangas. It made my mornings busy and my weekends booked. Aside from school and my sport, I was also busy helping out at DLSU for the general elections. For almost two weeks Santugon CBE took my free time and my weeknights. Training and campaigning. Santugon CBE got 10 out of 13 seats. Loveth! hahaha :)) Great job CBE! To sum it all up. School. Volleyball and Santugon. Those things made my March 2009 a big blur. I thank God that I have surpassed everything. hahaha

April
The yet another BUSY month. The first week was the Holy week. Me and my family spent it at Ilocos. I suggested it since I wanted to see Ilocos and its beauty. Also the last time I visited was ages, I cannot remeber at all. So we decided to go. Ganda ng Ilocos. Sarap pa ng food. Great Holy week. Atleast na ka pag BEACH na ako. hahaha since the following week will be my Final xams week. Kaya todo enjoy na sa Ilocos. Peaceful and fun. The second week was my Finals week at the same time my Tita from the states went home. I wasn't ble to make salubong because I stayed at my condo for the Finals. Loveth! After eight long months of being a BUM I finally finished a term. Loveth talaga! A funny thing happened to me during this week. My last exam (friday) was my BIBSTUD class. I thought that my exam was 1pm. So by 1030 I was just taking a bath. I ate breakfast and by 11am I asked a friend for our exams room. She replied mga 1130 and said it was on m302. I replied "Salamat =)". May smiley pa ako. hahaha then she immediatly replied and said "Marv, 1030 ang exam natin." I ran! Pagdating ko sa room, there was only one left and he ws passing his exam to the proctor. I asked the proctor "Ms, paano po yung mga hindi na ka pag finals?" "Call your prof." she said in reply. So I called my prof, then he decided to give my exam later by 5pm. hahaha atleast na ka pag exam ako. hahaha LOVETH! The third week was our Course Card distribution and the YLSS. Guys, DEAN's LISTER ako. FIRST TIME! hahahaha Good job for me! Great effort. sana kaya ko na tuloy tuloy. I was also busy fixing our ministry's concerns. In the end, we did a great job and experienced the most organized FOOD MINISTRY ever! hahaha The YLSS was successful with the help of God. The Last week. well lets just say that I was busy with Volleyball. Trainings still continues. Walang summer summer. hahaha

So, these are the things that made up my March and April. Kaya ko pala. hahaha

Just A Fart Away

2009-03-09T03:41:00.003+11:00

So, the past few weeks have been the most tiring weeks for me eversince I went back to school. If you guys do not know. I returned to school this January. At College of Saint Benilde. Another Tri-sem school. Another thing, I started playing Volleyball again after I stopped playing Eight months ago. And Lastly, I got a condo. Let me explain how these things made me tired.

MIDTERMS
To redeem myself from the failure I made, I made a promise to myself that I will finish this school year without any failures. So, I have been studying hard for the past two months to get high grades. So, for the past two months, I have been very active in class. I never got any failing marks on my quizzes, and almost in every class, I have been one of the teacher's favorites. Hello, ewan ko na lang kung hindi ako mag Dean's Lister this term. hahaha So, the midterms week. I had four Midterm exams, I passed them all. I was amazed because never in my college life that I have passed all midterm exams in a term. Another thing, In one of my subjects, I am the highest! haha Hindi ako sanay. Top 1 ako. hahaha But to make all of these possible, Hardwork and patience is required. Kaya nakakapagod.

VOLLEYBALL
I entered CSB with the help of the Volleyball team. So in return, I am playing Volleyball for them. Yes, I am an athlete. I may not show it physically, but I am an athlete. Hahaha Our trainings are held at Rizal Coliseum, everyday from 6am-9am. And just last week, we had our very first tournament for this year. It is the FSC or Friendship Cup held at De La Salle Lipa. So we need to travel south for two hours. Last weekend, we had four games. Two last Saturday and two last Sunday. Our call time at CSB is 6am and our bus will leave by 630am. So since, our calltime is 6am, I've decided to sleep on my condo last saturday and go home on sunday. GAME.BATANGAS.TRAFFIC. add all of these to make a really tiring week. I got home last sundayby 930pm and I wasn't able to attend our Prayer Meeting last satuday.Kakapagod.

CONDO
Since we have an ongoing tournament on Batangas, I've decided to go home every Sunday since we don't have trainings on Monday and to get clothes for me since wala na ako damit sa condo. So kailangan ko talaga umuwi for clothes and siyempre time to bond with my family. The bad thing is Late na talaga ako nakakauwi. Last sunday 930pm na ako nauwi. Awhile ago, 11p. We arrived at Taft by 1030pm. Sarado na yung train. So nag taxi ako. Pagod na nga, Mahal pa

JUST A FART AWAY
Amidst everthing that happened to me for the past weeks. I will always treasure, the taxi ride a while ago. Pagod na Pagod ka na nga tapos bigla ka na lang may maamoy na hindi kanais nais. Yes, nag Fart si manong driver. hahahaha It removed all the pagod I felt. I was laughing bigtime mag isa sa taxi kanina. hahaha Nawala talaga lahat ng nafefeel ko na pagod for the past weeks Galing ni manong driver hahaha

RECOMMENDATION
Kung PAGOD N PAGOD na kayo, I recommend you guys to smell Fart. It releases stress and fatigue. hahaha

Why do people create movies like this?

2009-02-22T06:09:00.005+11:00

If you are a dog lover I am not recommending you to see the movie "Marley and Me". It will surely give you a magang mata and a very depressing moment.I might not show my affection for dogs at home but I really am a dog lover. Hindi ko kasi inaalagaan si Vinny (our daschand dog). Napaka wild na kasi. and kung kailan wild na siya dun siya gusto alagaan ni dad. Kaya I'm planning to buy a new dog months after I finish college. I'm planning to name it Charlie regardless of it's sex. I cannot resist the unconditional love that a dog can give you. Their love language is to be beside you making you kulit. It can surely fill my love tank. I really really love dogs and I can't wait to have a new one.

So me, my sister and my friends (Jon, Jeff and Muriel) watched Marley and Me after our prayer meeting a while ago. We watched at Glorietta 4 since i'ts the only cinema in the vicinity showing that film. Before watching I remembered hearing Mo Twister (a dog lover) in his radio show not recommending dog lovers to watch Marley and Me because it is a sad story. Regardless of that in mind, I still wanted to see the film because I thought that I can take it. So I watched the film. (I don't want to share the scenes, people who have not yet seen the film might read this) but when It came to the part where Marley was about to die. I can't stop myself. I cried. As in iyak kung iyak. I even announced that I am about to cry making them laugh. (Eh hello. naiiyak talaga ako! ano naman masama kung i-announce ko?! ha?! hahaha) Imagine someone being with you for a long time, shared memories with you and never left your side, suddenly needs to go because it's his time to go. It's really depressing. Na bother talaga ako. Why do people create movies that can have a very bad impact to people? I mean, pwede naman na hindi masyado nakakalungkot. Why do they need to do that?! I was really bothered and depressed after the film. Paano na yung plans ko for Charlie knowing that if I get attached to him I'll be depressed at the day he dies? Lalo na now na alam ko na yung feeling?! Waaaa! Natatakot ako bumile ng dog. Swear! But over all the movie was nice, just don't watch it if you are a dog lover. Unless you want to feel as miserable as I am now. Really it was nice, nakaka depress lang talaga. Just to prove that it was depressing, I had to meet my friends at Katipunan and play Left4Dead just to ease the pain that I am feeling. And now, a few hours after the film, I can still remember the pain I felt while watching the film. Nakakbother talaga. Kaya I felt the urge to blog about this. hahaha

Really don't watch this film if you are a dog lover. Do yourselves a favor and save yourselves from depression.

Conservation of Water

2009-02-11T13:45:00.004+11:00

I went back to my dorm last Monday. I was late for training so I decided to leave my bag on the lobby. When I arrived at AKIK (Weights kasi training namin) I saw my teammate who is also my roommate and said to me "Wala tayo tubig sa dorm. Kaya dala ko damit ko." Wow no. Wala tubig sa dorm and after a few minutes my teammates who live in the vicinity said that they also don't have water in their dorms. Wow no. Walang tubig sa buong Metro Manila?? hahaha

I never realized that it would be really hard living without water. After our training, I went back to my dorm, gathered clothes and my toiletries and went to our gym just to take a bath and be ready for school. Aside from that, all the used platos and basos where piled up at the sink. Hindi namin malinis. Another thing, Gustong gusto ko na magbawas nung umagang yun. kaya lang, due to the scarcity of water. I can't. hahaha

The day passed without water in our dorm. Bakit sa CSB meron? hahaha (inggit lang) My cousin who lives at Cityland, needed to go home to Antipolo because she cannot take the scarcity of water. By 9pm the water supply went back to normal, but the bad news is, Dirty yung water. Diba usually clear ang water? yun may brownish substance. hahaha ohwell. I feel asleep without cleaning my face and brushing my teeth kasi kadiri yung water. Atleast the following morning back to normal na ang water supply. ohwell. hahaha

Moral of the story: Conserve Water. hahaha

Home Sick

2009-01-31T00:03:00.002+11:00

So I've been staying at my condo with my teammates for two weeks already. And I must say, I am HOMESICK.

I asked for a condo from my dad for two reasons. First is that so I will not be late for my volleyball training everyday. My training starts at exactly 6am everyday except weekends. Eh nahihiya ako kay dad na ihatid ako everyday ng ganung ka aga, and If I leave QC by 5am I will still be late because the MRT and LRT will operate by 530am pa. The second reason is for me to have a place I can chill everytime I feel tired from training. I have long breaks and busy mornings so I really need a place to boost my energy back again.

I'm enjoying my stay there. I can handle my time the way I like it. I can do everything I want and still get enough rest for my trainings. I can go where ever I want and I can feel how life will be in the future away from your parents. hahaha The down side is that, you will feel homesick. I don't know if its just the start or it will be forever or I haven't adjusted in my new society. All I know is that I miss the place I call home. I miss the bed I usually take forgranted. I miss the food that mom serves everyday. I miss this computer. I miss the moments where you can be tamad of doing anything and just stay at home. The feeling of protection being inside these walls. I miss watching TV without anyone dictating you what to watch. I miss my privacy. The feeling of having everything you want and most important I miss my family. Intense, I miss them.

I never realized how important this house is to me until now. I love this place and leaving it behind is very sad. But that's life, I wanted this so I need to face it. So since I am back here for the weekend, I will maximize my stay. I will do all the things that will satisfy me. I'll make kalat everywhere and do the things I can't do while I am at my condo. hehehehe I miss you house.

And It All Gets Better In Time

2009-01-18T19:10:00.003+11:00

So I'm Back.
I'm back to the old me. Not the magulo marvin but the new and improved marvin. hehe Although sometimes I still go back to DLSU but I manage to discipline myself to go to class. And I've been doing my homeworks ahead of time. I am not cramming anymore. hahaha Most of the time also, I've been the leader of my group in classes. hahaha So I'm feeling responsible lately. hehe I hope I can do this for the rest of the term, but I claim that I can do this and I will be better. =)

Classrooms
I really missed the feeling of being inside a classroom. The feeling of strangeness and loneliness. The feeling of being trapped inside that cold chamber for an hour. The good thing is that in everyclass I happen to know someone. Some from the Volleyball team and old aquintances, some new friends and other a block mate of mine when I was still in DLSU. hahaha so the feeling of lonliness is quickly evaporating. hahaha

Volleyball
When I first joined the volleyball team, I only knew 3 people aside from the coaches. They used to be my batchmates back in first year and a new try-out like me. But now, I know them all. hahaha dapat lang. After our rigorous training we usually go to the locker room together and eat lunch after class. My only dilemma now is that I'm not the player that I used to be. I'm not as good as I used to be. Well, I was expecting that since I rested for almost a year. So I'm having a hard time to get back to my old playing self. But I know I can do it. So wish me luck. hehehe

Condo
I do have a condo na. I'm sharing it with 3 people. 2 teammates of mine and the other is a Prof. who used to ba a volleyball player as well. I did this because of our volleyball practice. It's from 6am to 9am everyday except weekends. Eh since I live in Q.C., I will be having a hard time to wake up early and not be late for training. The other reason is that nahihiya ako sa dad ko. I don't want to bother him everyday just to give me a ride to CSB. So we decided to get me a condo. I love having a crib near your school. hahaha You can rest if you have time and you can also cook your own food if you want to save money. haha

School
Well school is fun. haha I missed it a lot. The feeling of having a responsibility to go to class, they feeling of having a tambayan., the feeling of meeting new friends and the feeling of a student. hahaha My only problem is that since I am new to this school, I sometimes get lost. haha typical first year. Another is that sometimes I dont have friends or a group that I can hang out with. The good thing is that I am a memeber of the Volleyball team, If not for them I will become a loser and I am not used to that situation. hahaha But I know in time, since I am friendly, I'll get to know a lot of friends. hehe

To sum it all up. The first eight days of school has been fun and life changing. Although I haven't yet been able to adjust with my new surroundings and new activities, I know in time I can do it.

Ecstatic

2009-01-07T01:30:00.002+11:00

New Journey

New Life

Second Chance

...it will all start

tomorrow.

-First Day Of School

I'm Happy

2009-01-05T18:33:00.004+11:00

Alright. On Wednesday is the day that I have been waiting for for the longest time. This is the moment. Back to school. Taft here I come. hahaha I will invade Taft again. hahaha

Ever since I got my acceptance letter, I have been sentimental about the fact that I'm leaving my Bum life na. Although I enjoyed most of the eight months I have been telling myself that I should have maximized time. I should have applied for a part time job or things that can make me busy. I just stayed at home, in the comfort of my bed and the availability of food. haha Bum kung Bum talaga. haha

Pero. I was watching Mel and Joey last night, Joey De Leon delivered an inspirational line stating "Time you enjoyed wasting, Is not wasted time.". So tinamaan ako. hahaha No matter how you wasted your time as long as you were happy doing it, ay Kay lang. hahaha Basta you are happy. So the senti moments, disappeared. I'm Happy.

I thank God for giving me happiness for the pass eight months. Although these months have been hard for me, I know you never left my side. You still make me smile. You gave me wisdom to realize and analyze everything. You gave me strength to stand up and move on. You set me free from depression and made me a stronger person. I could not have overcome these months without you. And as I enter this new journey, I know that you will never leave me and I know that you will guide me. Thank you Lord! You are the best!

tormented upbeat

2008-12-28T06:26:00.002+11:00

Being able to handle time is fun. You can do whatever you like, sleep all day without worrying about tomorrow and control life like its never ending. Being a bum definitely was fun. The funny thing is that when you are a bum you want to do something in your life but when the moment that life goes back on track you suddenly want to stop time and wish that you stay in that moment a little bit longer. Time is like an alarm clock, it buzzes on your desired hour. Marks the end of yesterday and a sign of a fresh start. Time is not forever, it starts at one and ends at twelve.

Eight months of relaxation is to be equivalent to ten days. Ten days na lang before I go back to my old life of studying and being busy. I feel sad because I did everything I wanted without worrying about anything. Not worrying about time and feeling carefree. I'll definitely miss my sleepless nights, DVD marathon, Book marathon, part time jobs, tele-novelas, net browsing and everything I did just to keep myself entertained. In Ten days these things will be lessened and eventually will be forgotten.

In ten days my school will start. It indicates a new beginning for me. A fresh start. A new life. In just ten days the months of greiving will finally disappear. The life of being a bum will finally be a life of a busy man. The book and DVD marathons will be changed into research papers and film viewings. Sleepless nights transforms into tiring days. Part time jobs evolves into On the Job Trainings. Tele-Novelas changes into Foreign Laws and Languages. In ten days a three hundred sixty degree turn will happen and I don't know if I can do it. All I know is that I want to do it.

Tormented and Upbeat. Two different words combined into my emotions and is making the last days of my vacation blissful and blue.haha

Busy Busy Busy

2008-12-22T16:17:00.002+11:00

"Busy" will be the most appropriate term for me for the past weeks and I'm sure it will be busier for the coming weeks. I never felt or experienced being busy for the longest time and I miss it. hehehe Believe it or not, I do. I'm used to do a lot of things. That's why I'm kinda back in my old rhythm for the past weeks. First is the BLD Paskuhan. The Youth Ministry performed in front of the whole BLD community. At siyempre we practiced for ilang weeks to make the dance a success. hehehe Next would be my Enrollment. Yes, It only happened for a day, but the stress of lining up and going here and there can kill. I was at CSB by 10am for an interview and I expected to finish all the whatevers by 1pm. To make the story short. I finished by 4pm. Great. Lastly, The Christmas parties. From Wednesday to Saturday. Everynight. Grabe. hahaha

Busy Busy Busy weeks but it was fun.

Stressful Saturday

2008-12-09T17:29:00.002+11:00

I was supposed to post a blog regarding my long stressful Saturday. It was supposed to be my longest blog entry yet. But something happened, so I wasn't able to save it. So I'm posting this instead. Katamad na gawin yung mahaba. hahaha

I had a stressful Saturday. ok?

New Start

2008-12-05T22:12:00.003+11:00

I indicated in my last blog how nervous I am to see if I passed the entrance exam or not and just to add to that, I would like to share a few more happenings before I finally got the answer. Okay, so I went to Benilde to see the result. You have to present your exam permit and they will give you the nerve-wracking letter. So, after I presented it and got my letter, I didn't open it yet. Kinakabahan pa ako eh. hehehe So after the long drama, I've decided to open it and see whether I passed or not. I was only expecting to see a Congratulations or a Sorry. When I saw the letter I forgot to expect the Wait-Listed status. I was on the Wait-list. Another thing that bothered me is that they are only requiring me to pass a medical certificate to see if I am in a good condition to study. So I was confused, why on earth would they ask for a medical certificate if you are in the wait-list?. I asked the lady from the admissions office if they only need a medical certificate from me and the probability that I'm going to be accepted. And I got the answer that I was looking for. They are requiring me to pass a medical certificate because I indicated daw in my application form that I have a "Medical Condition". So I only need to pass that and they will accept me. Pero hello, wala naman ako sakit na puwede mag stop sa akin mag-aral. hahaha I went there again the next day explaining that I made a mistake in checking the medical whatever, I ended up making a letter addressed to the admissions head explaining my mistake. After a few minutes of waiting, I finally got my acceptance letter. Wohoo! So today, I have been busy with other application requirements. Konti na lang. This is it na!

New School. New Chance. New Start! hehehe

Suspense

2008-12-03T15:08:00.003+11:00

Suspense. I never liked suspense movies or the like but experiencing it, feeling your heart thump a bit faster, getting scared and doesn't know what to expect makes me hate suspense more. Don't get me wrong, It's not like the typical suspense movie that we usually see, I'm not running to save my life or hiding from someone, It's not that intense but it is for me. hahaha Since yesterday, I have been preoccupied with the result of my entrance exam which will be posted today. Natatakot ako na baka mag fail ako ulit and I'm not ready to accept that now. So I have been doing a lot of things to make me busy like reading a book, watching my favorite shows and sleeping. But the suspense of finally knowing the start or your new life is really making me sick. At the back of my exam permit it says that "Take note of your case number written on this exam permit. You will need it should you wish to view the status of your application online." So I decided to view my status OL. So the suspense started. I waited patiently for the site to be in view and much to my surprise you cannot view your status OL. So I called the Admissions office for assistance, and they said that I can only know my status if and only if I go there and ask for it. The suspense trembled more in my body. And thinking that I have to travel south for about 45 minutes; worrying about the result, adds more to the suspense I'm feeling. Grabe this day. hahaha! wish me luck. hahaha

I'm Not Ready

2008-12-02T15:17:00.002+11:00

The results of my entrance exam will be posted tomorrow. I don't know what to expect. And If the worst will happen tomorrow, I am not ready yet. I'm not yet ready to accept that I will be studying on April pa. I'm not ready to accept another failure. I'm not yet ready to explain again. And finally I'm not ready to feel the same emotions that I have been experiencing for the past months. If the worst will happen, I hope I have the strength and the power to accept everything and the clear mind to plan again for a new start. Kinakabahan na ako.

Thursday to Tuesday.

2008-12-02T15:03:00.002+11:00

Thursday up to today. I am not feeling good. Not good at all. I don't know. I just don't feel good. It's something that I haven't felt since August I think. And everything that makes me feel this way happened in five days. Thursday night up to Saturday is the Depression. Sunday was Anger. Monday was a mix of both and today I'm not yet sure. I don't want this feelings again. I know that I should not think of it and just enjoy for the rest of the day but I don't know why I cannot stop and free my mind about it. Ang Bigat Bigat talaga. I wanted to cool off somewhere last Sunday but I realized that I don't have the budget for it. hahaha I hope that everything that's inside me right know would disappear and make me normal again. haay. hahaha

Ewan

2008-11-28T22:28:00.003+11:00

I feel depressed today. I don't know why. nagiging EMO na ba ako? hehehe Siguro it's because I didn't have a good start today and had a bad ending last night. My mom sermoned about something last night and as a result I locked myself in my room and stayed there for the rest of the night. Nahihiya kasi ako and ganun talaga ako, sa room lang parati. hehehe A while ago naman, woke up by 4:30 am to take a shower and be ready for my training by 6:00 am at Rizal Memorial Stadium. So, on the way to Rizal, I asked my dad a question and he answered it in a grumpy way. haay. Sobrang hindi ko inexpect and umagang umaga pa! hahaha Next naman is my training. I haven't been training for a month na since I wanted to focus on our Grand Reunion and wanted to enjoy my last few months as a BUM person. And kanina my performance showed that I was not fit and was not in my natural rhythm. Alam mo yung alam mo na mas magaling ka pa hindi mo lang magawa. booo!! I was feeling that kanina. Oh well. In time babalik din lahat. hahaha

Now, to ease the depression I'm longing for my favorite KopiRoti Iced Kopi!! hahahaha sama kayo? hehehe

Colorgenics

2008-11-27T16:59:00.005+11:00

I was browsing my multiply inbox when I saw my friend's blog entry. It was about this test and the result ended up to be true for him. So I tried it and was also amazed in the result.
try it!!! Colorgenics

Name: Marvin
Date: 11/27/2008
Colorgenics Number: 24615307

You are very ambitious and because you seek and need recognition, you try in your own way to impress people and you want to be looked up to - to be both popular and admired. You feel that there is a gap which separates you from your fellow man, or woman as the case may be, but this anxiety is an unnecessary one. Keep on the way you are going and you may surprise yourself.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

Striped (YE19 Grand Reunion)

2008-11-24T21:10:00.003+11:00

Ayun. So our Youth Encounter organized the Grand Reunion. It happened yesterday. I'm speechless sa galing ng YE19 and sa galing ni God. Imagine, for the past few days umuulan but nung grand reunion, umulan lang nung tapos na yung event. Everything went well. The Venue, the program and the people. Everyone participated and I hope everyone had fun. We were expecting the people to arrive early, pero since mga PILIPINO tayo. One hour late sila. haha dapat nilagay namin na 1pm ang call time. Nevertheless, it was fun. Spelling Game, Singing Bee, Pool Games and Swimming. SAYA!!! and the Food (Amber Pancit and BBQ plus the Adobo Flakes). HAHAHA

To all those who helped out, specially Costy and Migz Ching; SALAMAT TALAGA!!! To the YE19, thanks sa pagpunta and hope you had fun and see you all soon sa mga next activities natin. To the YE19 heads (Kim, CJ, Triz, and Kat) Praise God for you all! So blessed to see how dedicated you guys are and to know na nandiyan kayo to back us up. To the YE19 Coords, Galing natin lahat! Great Minds and Great Leadership! Powerful natin. hahaha To the Shepherds, Thanks for always being there to be our guide and our reminder. Looking forward to work with all of you soon. And to God, Thank you for guiding us in our event. It just proves that with you everything is Possible! Thank you po talaga. Sa mga susunod po na activities ng YE19 ulit.

First time Long time

2008-11-21T21:02:00.004+11:00

Excited, Nervous, and Stressed. I have not felt these for a long time but not today. Our Youth Encounter is organizing the Grand Reunion for weeks already and I thank them for I feel a bit relieved. I feel excited because this will be the first time that almost all of the YE19 members will be together again since our YE weekend. I'm also excited to get to know more of them and be their kuya or their new friend. I also feel nervous for this reason, and this reason alone. The weather. Today it's a bit cloudy and rainy. So I hope that by Sunday it will not rain and will not be that hot as well. Now, I feel stressed. hehehe I have a game that requires to cut a song and I just realized this week that the program in our computer that can do that have been deleted by my sister because we don't have enough memory already. So I'm going to sleep at my friends house in moonwalk just to cut the songs. Hello! I live at Quezon City and have to go to Moonwalk in Paranaque just to cut some songs for this game. hahaha oh well. I just hope that the outcome of our Grand Reunion is great and that a lot of the YE19 members will be there. I also just want to see people smiling and enjoying on Sunday. Akay?

Second Chance

2008-11-17T04:13:00.003+11:00

I took my Entrance Exam a while ago. Wow. I can finally rest my brain again. hahaha I feel kinda confident because most of the exam just requires to use your stock knowledge. But I'm scared because there were seventy items of Math and most of my answers were hula. hahaha Eh I didn't know what to do na eh and the time limit was very disturbing. There were things that made my exam memorable. First, I forgot to bring a black ball pen. It was not my fault because on the guidelines they only required to bring two pencils. So I ended up borrowing from my seat mate. Thank God she had an extra pen. hehehe Second, I forgot to bring a jacket and guess what, the air conditioner was directly above me. So for the entire exam I was shivering and felt like I'm going to have a cold the next day. Praise God for our fifteen minute break. I was able to escape the harsh cooling aircon and got the chance to see and mingle with friends. After the exam, I discovered that as an athlete we are required to take another test, which is the Battery test. So I'll be back on Tuesday, After which I'm planning to meet with my old friends. I just hope that the battery test is not something that I would regret. hahaha Finally, my life's back on track. First step for my new life.

This day was a very humbling experience for me. I took an entrance exam with most of my roommates two to three years younger than me. I took an exam in a school where I have a lot of batch mates but they will be ahead of me. I took an exam in a school just in front of my old school where I can be back in my old life in just five minutes. And I took an exam that marked the end of the past and at the same time marked the beginning of a new chance. My second chance. My opportunity to excel, be great, learn, to showcase my talents, and most especially to be me. God made me see the reality with these things. That humility is needed for a person to grow. That humiliation is a part of it. All we need to do is to accept and live life. The answer is always just in front of you.

General Science

2008-11-15T03:56:00.003+11:00

Okay. So I was studying almost the whole day and now, my mind cannot take information anymore. Information Overload. hahaha (Parang bago naman yung mga lessons. hahaha)Today I studied a little bit of English and Math and focused on Science. The thing is, I once knew these things but since time ruined my brain (hahaha) parang its all new ulit for me. The hardest part for me was General Science. The measurements and all. hahaha NAKALIMUTAN KO NA TALAGA. hahaha I took the practical test and I was wrong with almost all the questions regarding measurements. Oh well. It was also the first time since a long time that I encountered the FOOD WEB, the Planets, TUNDRA, g/cm2 and other stuff again hahaha The last time I saw and discussed these stuff was 5-6 years ago. hahaha How time flies. hahaha ;)) And now I am going to rest. That would be my last review for my entrance exam and I hope that I can get the rest that I need. HAHAHAAH I FEEL LIKE A TEENAGER SAYING THAT. Ohwell, wish me luck for my exam. :))

Dugo

2008-11-14T02:41:00.004+11:00

Hello. I just want to share my experience just an hour ago. After waiting long hours for my conference mates to be online. (wala nga lang nag pakita.. hehehe) I decided to go out and eat Dugo. Yes, the street food Dugo also known as Beta Max. The black squared shape street food that is also used for the Pinoy delicacy Dinuguan. hahaha Dugo got its name because it is the blood of a pig. I just don't know what they mix or what they do to make it black. hahaha I have been on an oatmeal diet for some time and missed the bittersweet taste of that street food. I bought 3 sticks for only 9 pesos and it satisfied my hunger:) I asked the manong to make my Dugo "tustado" and immediately after cooking it straight to the suka. YUM YUM. After five to ten minutes of waiting it deserved to have a two to three minutes of eating time:)) hahaha I will never exchange my Dugo for anything else. hehehe

I therefore conclude, that happiness can be found in the simplicity of things. hahaha

Studying Again

2008-11-13T22:27:00.003+11:00

Okay. I have been out of school for about six months already, and ever since then I have neither touched nor read any material that is related to school. And guess what, for the past few days I have been studying for an exam this Sunday. Since I have not been using my brains for a long time it is now very hard for my tiny brain to comprehend a lot of things that I have been ignoring for the past months. For example, Math: "Which of these numbers (when simplified) is a rational number?". hahahaha Hello! Let's go on an easier subject, Filipino. I took the comprehensive exam in my reviewer and I got 30 out of 50 items. hahahaha I am now struggling big time just to pass the entrance exam since it will mark a new beginning for me. Although a lot of my friends say that that exam is easy I still want to do good. I want to pass not just for the sake of passing but to add a little bit more of confidence in me. I lost it along time ago and now is the time to redeem myself. I just hope that I can refresh my mind in a short span of time.

Youth Encounter 19

2008-11-13T05:32:00.003+11:00

I attended the Youth Encounter 19 last October 24-26 at the BLD covenant house. And since it was a life changing experience for me, I'm going to blog about it.

I was supposed to attend the Youth Encounter(YE) last year with my sister and my FE mates but due to inevitable events, I wasn't able to attend. I thank the Lord for his plan and made me experience the YE this year.

A lot happened to me during the first quarter of this year. January was the month were the Lord called me back into his arms and gave me a position in our ministry.The impact of the first prayer meeting of the year on me was really a call from God, calling me to be back and asks me to serve him. Ever since that day, I never missed a prayer meeting on purpose. But as your faith goes deeper and deeper trials come.

April 2008, The month that changed my life. Before serving for the YLSS and the FE weekend, Something happened. I was on the peak of serving when this happened. I was really down and do not know what to do. Nevertheless I continued to serve the Lord and prays to get my life on track.

June 2008, Back to School. It was the normal back to school for the normal students but for me it was the start of the BUMNESS. Everybody was ahead of me. I stayed at home, lying on my bed, watching TV and other stuff to keep me entertained while my friends are in school leaving me a step behind. It was in that month were I first felt that I'm a failure. Confidence level down. I was acting strong and pretends to be in control but in reality my life was in shambles. My life was in its lowest point. Depression Stage.

July 2008, The Responsibility Month. My parents left for Canada. They had a vacation and left all the responsibilities to us. I handled our business and was in control of everything. My parents were proud of me because I handled the business very well. But for me it was a mean to redeem myself. A way to prove that I am still the old Marvin they knew. That I am still the same old Marvin who can handle responsibilities and was always in control. But as it turns out. I was just making a fool of myself. Pretending that everything is alright. Later did i realize that i was on the Denial Stage.

August to September 2008, acceptance. When my parents came back. It was also the return of my BUMNESS. Lying on my bed all day, watching TV, eating, staying up late and everything that can entertain me; name it, I've done it. It was a daily routine for me. Sleeping by 4am and waking up past 12nn. Eat. Watch TV. Sleep again. Go out with Friends. DVD. Sleep. It was a cycle. I had a lot of time in my hands but all I did was to stay at home and be still. Then I started to realize that nothing will happen if I stayed motionless. Little by little I accepted the fact that I need to move on. So I did. Late September when I was helped out by my coach and gave me the opportunity to take the E Exam. Finally, My life was back on track. Doing things that can help me in the future. Acceptance Stage.

October 2008, God's Plan. With all the things that happened, who would have thought that I can survive? This was the month where my life is going back in line. Things were happening for the better. And the best thing since a long time was the YE. It was in that weekend where I finally surrendered everything to him. All those months of depression and denial gone in just 3 days. The Lord took it from me and gave me a new direction. It just proves that the Lord never leaves our side. He lets us experience pain so that we can learn a lesson from it. A lesson that can help us grow and mature. He helped me project things that can give me pain and helped me ease that pain in advance. He gave me new friends to confide with and new friend to share that wonderful experience. All of this just in 3 days. Galing no? This YE was really Gods plan, he made sure that I was busy last year so that I could not attend the YE and make it to this years YE.

Imagine, all those months of feeling whatsoever. Disappeared in 3 days. Only God can do that. And now I am confident that whatever obstacle I might encounter in the future, I will handle it with pride because God is always with me .:))

Blogging

2008-11-13T05:20:00.002+11:00

I posted a blog on my multiply account and ever since that day, I felt something new in me. I felt liberated and I felt lighter. It's like sharing your experiences/problems/feelings with a friend and makes you feel better. It is a journal that can remind you of what you have become or simply remind you of your life. That blog moved me and made me realize that I am a better person inside and out.

Blogging can help people express them selves in a different way. A way that can make the harsh reality of life a piece of cake.

Realization

2008-11-13T03:53:00.001+11:00

thememorythatputsasmileonmyface
isthesamememorythat
hauntsme.

This is the first time that I'm gonna broadcast to everybody what I feel for the past months. Kaya pasensya na.hehehe. If you do not know, I have been stuck at home for almost 6 months already eversince that day and not a day passes by without the "What If" questions. I know that I should put the past behind and start to see the future, but the past haunts me every time I think of them. Every moment I spent with my friends. Every Laughter. Every Hardships. Every Sleepless nights. Every Joketime. Every Achievement. Every Dream. Every Gimmicks. All of them. I did all of these without knowing that one day all of these would haunt me. If I could just turn back time and fix everything I would, but I can't. So I just need to face it and step forward.

EmOmode

Facing It wasn't easy. Not easy at all. I can say that it is the hardest process and requires humility, patience and understanding. People will think negative about you especially if you have proven yourself in the past. You cannot face the people who admire you. The downfall of your confidence. Depression. The darkest moment of your life. But come to think of it, your problem is nothing compare to other people. We just dwell on it so much and instantly enters us to the depression stage. That's what I have been doing 2 to 3 months ago. Stuck and Motionless.

shutupandletmeGO

If you humbled yourself, waited and understood. The Light bulb will spark and give you your next move. You can think clearly without your emotions and decide things for the better. I am on this stage right now. I am proud to say that I have empowered depression and defeated its comrades. Although sometimes I cannot stop myself in reminiscing, I just accept it and move forward. I cannot dwell on the past too much. I just need to Step Forward.

I thank my one and only God for not leaving me in this journey alone. I know that everything that happened and that will happen is part of your plan for me and no matter what it takes I will accept it with all my heart. Lakas ng tama mo sa akin Lord.