Empty

Happiness- the quality or state of being happy. Happiness has been with me for the past months. All of the drama for the past year evaporated and I am occupied with glee. Happiness fills my every being. It healed me. Being good at school, Having new friends, Moving on from past failures, Growth in the community, Playing the sport that I love. Everything. Everything that happened for the past months was nothing but pure happiness. And I have to admit, amidst all these I can feel the sadness.

I don't know, for the past days I am not feeling normal. It's like I haven't felt sadness for the longest time that when it came back it is bugging the hell out of me. I suddenly feel empty. I do not know what to do. It's really annoying me. And it has affected my relationship with my family, with my friends, and with my God badly.

I'm easily pissed when I'm at home because I can see all the mess, all the unorganized decisions and practices. And all of this happened when my dad decided to go to the US. Well, I thought that we can do it, but apparently, we can't. I miss him. He is the organizer and our planner. He pulls everything. He binds everything. And without him, our house is a mess. Every time I go home, I feel like I don't get the relaxing feeling that I should get because I'm home, instead I miss my dorm and wants to get out of our house as early as possible. Home is where the heart is but I guess my heart does not feel the home in our house.

My friends. I have not been with them for the past weeks. I have been busy for school and my community. I usually hang out with them every weekends but for the past weeks I'm stuck with either my school [studying and volleyball] or with the community. I lost communication with them and I don't know the latest about them. Although I am having a great time with my school friends, I am neglecting the friends I grew up with. Not only with my childhood friends but also my high school/ dlsu friends. I miss them. And know I'm with them, I can't seem to relate with them. I am lost.

My God. I am kinda disappointed. I know that he gave me this situation because he knows I can handle it. But No. I am messed up. I am not mad. I'm just a little bit disappointed. With everything that I am doing for him, I can't seem to feel the fruits of it. I know that I'm kinda unreasonable. But I can't help it. I'm really messed up. I know he will help me pull this off, but can you help me pull this off now? Please Lord, I don't want this feeling.

Last night, when I said that I need my alone time on Facebook, I did get it even for a few hours. Then I realized. I'm nor full or half-full. I am Empty.

Kaya ko pala.

The Rest Of March
Yeah I know. My last post was dated last March. Tagal no. hahaha BUSY TIMES kasi eh. I never got the time to sit, think and write my emotions or any experiences on this blog. The whole March was a big blur. SCHOOL SCHOOL and SCHOOL. That's all I can remember. Since the final examanations was quickly approaching that time. That's why I had to be BUSY for school. hahaha Aside from school, my time was also wasted on my sport. We had games at Batangas. It made my mornings busy and my weekends booked. Aside from school and my sport, I was also busy helping out at DLSU for the general elections. For almost two weeks Santugon CBE took my free time and my weeknights. Training and campaigning. Santugon CBE got 10 out of 13 seats. Loveth! hahaha :)) Great job CBE! To sum it all up. School. Volleyball and Santugon. Those things made my March 2009 a big blur. I thank God that I have surpassed everything. hahaha

April
The yet another BUSY month. The first week was the Holy week. Me and my family spent it at Ilocos. I suggested it since I wanted to see Ilocos and its beauty. Also the last time I visited was ages, I cannot remeber at all. So we decided to go. Ganda ng Ilocos. Sarap pa ng food. Great Holy week. Atleast na ka pag BEACH na ako. hahaha since the following week will be my Final xams week. Kaya todo enjoy na sa Ilocos. Peaceful and fun. The second week was my Finals week at the same time my Tita from the states went home. I wasn't ble to make salubong because I stayed at my condo for the Finals. Loveth! After eight long months of being a BUM I finally finished a term. Loveth talaga! A funny thing happened to me during this week. My last exam (friday) was my BIBSTUD class. I thought that my exam was 1pm. So by 1030 I was just taking a bath. I ate breakfast and by 11am I asked a friend for our exams room. She replied mga 1130 and said it was on m302. I replied "Salamat =)". May smiley pa ako. hahaha then she immediatly replied and said "Marv, 1030 ang exam natin." I ran! Pagdating ko sa room, there was only one left and he ws passing his exam to the proctor. I asked the proctor "Ms, paano po yung mga hindi na ka pag finals?" "Call your prof." she said in reply. So I called my prof, then he decided to give my exam later by 5pm. hahaha atleast na ka pag exam ako. hahaha LOVETH! The third week was our Course Card distribution and the YLSS. Guys, DEAN's LISTER ako. FIRST TIME! hahahaha Good job for me! Great effort. sana kaya ko na tuloy tuloy. I was also busy fixing our ministry's concerns. In the end, we did a great job and experienced the most organized FOOD MINISTRY ever! hahaha The YLSS was successful with the help of God. The Last week. well lets just say that I was busy with Volleyball. Trainings still continues. Walang summer summer. hahaha

So, these are the things that made up my March and April. Kaya ko pala. hahaha

Just A Fart Away

So, the past few weeks have been the most tiring weeks for me eversince I went back to school. If you guys do not know. I returned to school this January. At College of Saint Benilde. Another Tri-sem school. Another thing, I started playing Volleyball again after I stopped playing Eight months ago. And Lastly, I got a condo. Let me explain how these things made me tired.

MIDTERMS
To redeem myself from the failure I made, I made a promise to myself that I will finish this school year without any failures. So, I have been studying hard for the past two months to get high grades. So, for the past two months, I have been very active in class. I never got any failing marks on my quizzes, and almost in every class, I have been one of the teacher's favorites. Hello, ewan ko na lang kung hindi ako mag Dean's Lister this term. hahaha So, the midterms week. I had four Midterm exams, I passed them all. I was amazed because never in my college life that I have passed all midterm exams in a term. Another thing, In one of my subjects, I am the highest! haha Hindi ako sanay. Top 1 ako. hahaha But to make all of these possible, Hardwork and patience is required. Kaya nakakapagod.

VOLLEYBALL
I entered CSB with the help of the Volleyball team. So in return, I am playing Volleyball for them. Yes, I am an athlete. I may not show it physically, but I am an athlete. Hahaha Our trainings are held at Rizal Coliseum, everyday from 6am-9am. And just last week, we had our very first tournament for this year. It is the FSC or Friendship Cup held at De La Salle Lipa. So we need to travel south for two hours. Last weekend, we had four games. Two last Saturday and two last Sunday. Our call time at CSB is 6am and our bus will leave by 630am. So since, our calltime is 6am, I've decided to sleep on my condo last saturday and go home on sunday. GAME.BATANGAS.TRAFFIC. add all of these to make a really tiring week. I got home last sundayby 930pm and I wasn't able to attend our Prayer Meeting last satuday.Kakapagod.

CONDO
Since we have an ongoing tournament on Batangas, I've decided to go home every Sunday since we don't have trainings on Monday and to get clothes for me since wala na ako damit sa condo. So kailangan ko talaga umuwi for clothes and siyempre time to bond with my family. The bad thing is Late na talaga ako nakakauwi. Last sunday 930pm na ako nauwi. Awhile ago, 11p. We arrived at Taft by 1030pm. Sarado na yung train. So nag taxi ako. Pagod na nga, Mahal pa

JUST A FART AWAY
Amidst everthing that happened to me for the past weeks. I will always treasure, the taxi ride a while ago. Pagod na Pagod ka na nga tapos bigla ka na lang may maamoy na hindi kanais nais. Yes, nag Fart si manong driver. hahahaha It removed all the pagod I felt. I was laughing bigtime mag isa sa taxi kanina. hahaha Nawala talaga lahat ng nafefeel ko na pagod for the past weeks Galing ni manong driver hahaha

RECOMMENDATION
Kung PAGOD N PAGOD na kayo, I recommend you guys to smell Fart. It releases stress and fatigue. hahaha

Why do people create movies like this?

If you are a dog lover I am not recommending you to see the movie "Marley and Me". It will surely give you a magang mata and a very depressing moment.I might not show my affection for dogs at home but I really am a dog lover. Hindi ko kasi inaalagaan si Vinny (our daschand dog). Napaka wild na kasi. and kung kailan wild na siya dun siya gusto alagaan ni dad. Kaya I'm planning to buy a new dog months after I finish college. I'm planning to name it Charlie regardless of it's sex. I cannot resist the unconditional love that a dog can give you. Their love language is to be beside you making you kulit. It can surely fill my love tank. I really really love dogs and I can't wait to have a new one.

So me, my sister and my friends (Jon, Jeff and Muriel) watched Marley and Me after our prayer meeting a while ago. We watched at Glorietta 4 since i'ts the only cinema in the vicinity showing that film. Before watching I remembered hearing Mo Twister (a dog lover) in his radio show not recommending dog lovers to watch Marley and Me because it is a sad story. Regardless of that in mind, I still wanted to see the film because I thought that I can take it. So I watched the film. (I don't want to share the scenes, people who have not yet seen the film might read this) but when It came to the part where Marley was about to die. I can't stop myself. I cried. As in iyak kung iyak. I even announced that I am about to cry making them laugh. (Eh hello. naiiyak talaga ako! ano naman masama kung i-announce ko?! ha?! hahaha) Imagine someone being with you for a long time, shared memories with you and never left your side, suddenly needs to go because it's his time to go. It's really depressing. Na bother talaga ako. Why do people create movies that can have a very bad impact to people? I mean, pwede naman na hindi masyado nakakalungkot. Why do they need to do that?! I was really bothered and depressed after the film. Paano na yung plans ko for Charlie knowing that if I get attached to him I'll be depressed at the day he dies? Lalo na now na alam ko na yung feeling?! Waaaa! Natatakot ako bumile ng dog. Swear! But over all the movie was nice, just don't watch it if you are a dog lover. Unless you want to feel as miserable as I am now. Really it was nice, nakaka depress lang talaga. Just to prove that it was depressing, I had to meet my friends at Katipunan and play Left4Dead just to ease the pain that I am feeling. And now, a few hours after the film, I can still remember the pain I felt while watching the film. Nakakbother talaga. Kaya I felt the urge to blog about this. hahaha

Really don't watch this film if you are a dog lover. Do yourselves a favor and save yourselves from depression.

Conservation of Water

I went back to my dorm last Monday. I was late for training so I decided to leave my bag on the lobby. When I arrived at AKIK (Weights kasi training namin) I saw my teammate who is also my roommate and said to me "Wala tayo tubig sa dorm. Kaya dala ko damit ko." Wow no. Wala tubig sa dorm and after a few minutes my teammates who live in the vicinity said that they also don't have water in their dorms. Wow no. Walang tubig sa buong Metro Manila?? hahaha

I never realized that it would be really hard living without water. After our training, I went back to my dorm, gathered clothes and my toiletries and went to our gym just to take a bath and be ready for school. Aside from that, all the used platos and basos where piled up at the sink. Hindi namin malinis. Another thing, Gustong gusto ko na magbawas nung umagang yun. kaya lang, due to the scarcity of water. I can't. hahaha

The day passed without water in our dorm. Bakit sa CSB meron? hahaha (inggit lang) My cousin who lives at Cityland, needed to go home to Antipolo because she cannot take the scarcity of water. By 9pm the water supply went back to normal, but the bad news is, Dirty yung water. Diba usually clear ang water? yun may brownish substance. hahaha ohwell. I feel asleep without cleaning my face and brushing my teeth kasi kadiri yung water. Atleast the following morning back to normal na ang water supply. ohwell. hahaha

Moral of the story: Conserve Water. hahaha

Home Sick

So I've been staying at my condo with my teammates for two weeks already. And I must say, I am HOMESICK.

I asked for a condo from my dad for two reasons. First is that so I will not be late for my volleyball training everyday. My training starts at exactly 6am everyday except weekends. Eh nahihiya ako kay dad na ihatid ako everyday ng ganung ka aga, and If I leave QC by 5am I will still be late because the MRT and LRT will operate by 530am pa. The second reason is for me to have a place I can chill everytime I feel tired from training. I have long breaks and busy mornings so I really need a place to boost my energy back again.

I'm enjoying my stay there. I can handle my time the way I like it. I can do everything I want and still get enough rest for my trainings. I can go where ever I want and I can feel how life will be in the future away from your parents. hahaha The down side is that, you will feel homesick. I don't know if its just the start or it will be forever or I haven't adjusted in my new society. All I know is that I miss the place I call home. I miss the bed I usually take forgranted. I miss the food that mom serves everyday. I miss this computer. I miss the moments where you can be tamad of doing anything and just stay at home. The feeling of protection being inside these walls. I miss watching TV without anyone dictating you what to watch. I miss my privacy. The feeling of having everything you want and most important I miss my family. Intense, I miss them.

I never realized how important this house is to me until now. I love this place and leaving it behind is very sad. But that's life, I wanted this so I need to face it. So since I am back here for the weekend, I will maximize my stay. I will do all the things that will satisfy me. I'll make kalat everywhere and do the things I can't do while I am at my condo. hehehehe I miss you house.

And It All Gets Better In Time

So I'm Back.
I'm back to the old me. Not the magulo marvin but the new and improved marvin. hehe Although sometimes I still go back to DLSU but I manage to discipline myself to go to class. And I've been doing my homeworks ahead of time. I am not cramming anymore. hahaha Most of the time also, I've been the leader of my group in classes. hahaha So I'm feeling responsible lately. hehe I hope I can do this for the rest of the term, but I claim that I can do this and I will be better. =)

Classrooms
I really missed the feeling of being inside a classroom. The feeling of strangeness and loneliness. The feeling of being trapped inside that cold chamber for an hour. The good thing is that in everyclass I happen to know someone. Some from the Volleyball team and old aquintances, some new friends and other a block mate of mine when I was still in DLSU. hahaha so the feeling of lonliness is quickly evaporating. hahaha

Volleyball
When I first joined the volleyball team, I only knew 3 people aside from the coaches. They used to be my batchmates back in first year and a new try-out like me. But now, I know them all. hahaha dapat lang. After our rigorous training we usually go to the locker room together and eat lunch after class. My only dilemma now is that I'm not the player that I used to be. I'm not as good as I used to be. Well, I was expecting that since I rested for almost a year. So I'm having a hard time to get back to my old playing self. But I know I can do it. So wish me luck. hehehe

Condo
I do have a condo na. I'm sharing it with 3 people. 2 teammates of mine and the other is a Prof. who used to ba a volleyball player as well. I did this because of our volleyball practice. It's from 6am to 9am everyday except weekends. Eh since I live in Q.C., I will be having a hard time to wake up early and not be late for training. The other reason is that nahihiya ako sa dad ko. I don't want to bother him everyday just to give me a ride to CSB. So we decided to get me a condo. I love having a crib near your school. hahaha You can rest if you have time and you can also cook your own food if you want to save money. haha

School
Well school is fun. haha I missed it a lot. The feeling of having a responsibility to go to class, they feeling of having a tambayan., the feeling of meeting new friends and the feeling of a student. hahaha My only problem is that since I am new to this school, I sometimes get lost. haha typical first year. Another is that sometimes I dont have friends or a group that I can hang out with. The good thing is that I am a memeber of the Volleyball team, If not for them I will become a loser and I am not used to that situation. hahaha But I know in time, since I am friendly, I'll get to know a lot of friends. hehe

To sum it all up. The first eight days of school has been fun and life changing. Although I haven't yet been able to adjust with my new surroundings and new activities, I know in time I can do it.