tormented upbeat

Being able to handle time is fun. You can do whatever you like, sleep all day without worrying about tomorrow and control life like its never ending. Being a bum definitely was fun. The funny thing is that when you are a bum you want to do something in your life but when the moment that life goes back on track you suddenly want to stop time and wish that you stay in that moment a little bit longer. Time is like an alarm clock, it buzzes on your desired hour. Marks the end of yesterday and a sign of a fresh start. Time is not forever, it starts at one and ends at twelve.

Eight months of relaxation is to be equivalent to ten days. Ten days na lang before I go back to my old life of studying and being busy. I feel sad because I did everything I wanted without worrying about anything. Not worrying about time and feeling carefree. I'll definitely miss my sleepless nights, DVD marathon, Book marathon, part time jobs, tele-novelas, net browsing and everything I did just to keep myself entertained. In Ten days these things will be lessened and eventually will be forgotten.

In ten days my school will start. It indicates a new beginning for me. A fresh start. A new life. In just ten days the months of greiving will finally disappear. The life of being a bum will finally be a life of a busy man. The book and DVD marathons will be changed into research papers and film viewings. Sleepless nights transforms into tiring days. Part time jobs evolves into On the Job Trainings. Tele-Novelas changes into Foreign Laws and Languages. In ten days a three hundred sixty degree turn will happen and I don't know if I can do it. All I know is that I want to do it.

Tormented and Upbeat. Two different words combined into my emotions and is making the last days of my vacation blissful and blue.haha

Busy Busy Busy

"Busy" will be the most appropriate term for me for the past weeks and I'm sure it will be busier for the coming weeks. I never felt or experienced being busy for the longest time and I miss it. hehehe Believe it or not, I do. I'm used to do a lot of things. That's why I'm kinda back in my old rhythm for the past weeks. First is the BLD Paskuhan. The Youth Ministry performed in front of the whole BLD community. At siyempre we practiced for ilang weeks to make the dance a success. hehehe Next would be my Enrollment. Yes, It only happened for a day, but the stress of lining up and going here and there can kill. I was at CSB by 10am for an interview and I expected to finish all the whatevers by 1pm. To make the story short. I finished by 4pm. Great. Lastly, The Christmas parties. From Wednesday to Saturday. Everynight. Grabe. hahaha

Busy Busy Busy weeks but it was fun.

Stressful Saturday

I was supposed to post a blog regarding my long stressful Saturday. It was supposed to be my longest blog entry yet. But something happened, so I wasn't able to save it. So I'm posting this instead. Katamad na gawin yung mahaba. hahaha

I had a stressful Saturday. ok?

New Start

I indicated in my last blog how nervous I am to see if I passed the entrance exam or not and just to add to that, I would like to share a few more happenings before I finally got the answer. Okay, so I went to Benilde to see the result. You have to present your exam permit and they will give you the nerve-wracking letter. So, after I presented it and got my letter, I didn't open it yet. Kinakabahan pa ako eh. hehehe So after the long drama, I've decided to open it and see whether I passed or not. I was only expecting to see a Congratulations or a Sorry. When I saw the letter I forgot to expect the Wait-Listed status. I was on the Wait-list. Another thing that bothered me is that they are only requiring me to pass a medical certificate to see if I am in a good condition to study. So I was confused, why on earth would they ask for a medical certificate if you are in the wait-list?. I asked the lady from the admissions office if they only need a medical certificate from me and the probability that I'm going to be accepted. And I got the answer that I was looking for. They are requiring me to pass a medical certificate because I indicated daw in my application form that I have a "Medical Condition". So I only need to pass that and they will accept me. Pero hello, wala naman ako sakit na puwede mag stop sa akin mag-aral. hahaha I went there again the next day explaining that I made a mistake in checking the medical whatever, I ended up making a letter addressed to the admissions head explaining my mistake. After a few minutes of waiting, I finally got my acceptance letter. Wohoo! So today, I have been busy with other application requirements. Konti na lang. This is it na!

New School. New Chance. New Start! hehehe

Suspense

Suspense. I never liked suspense movies or the like but experiencing it, feeling your heart thump a bit faster, getting scared and doesn't know what to expect makes me hate suspense more. Don't get me wrong, It's not like the typical suspense movie that we usually see, I'm not running to save my life or hiding from someone, It's not that intense but it is for me. hahaha Since yesterday, I have been preoccupied with the result of my entrance exam which will be posted today. Natatakot ako na baka mag fail ako ulit and I'm not ready to accept that now. So I have been doing a lot of things to make me busy like reading a book, watching my favorite shows and sleeping. But the suspense of finally knowing the start or your new life is really making me sick. At the back of my exam permit it says that "Take note of your case number written on this exam permit. You will need it should you wish to view the status of your application online." So I decided to view my status OL. So the suspense started. I waited patiently for the site to be in view and much to my surprise you cannot view your status OL. So I called the Admissions office for assistance, and they said that I can only know my status if and only if I go there and ask for it. The suspense trembled more in my body. And thinking that I have to travel south for about 45 minutes; worrying about the result, adds more to the suspense I'm feeling. Grabe this day. hahaha! wish me luck. hahaha

I'm Not Ready

The results of my entrance exam will be posted tomorrow. I don't know what to expect. And If the worst will happen tomorrow, I am not ready yet. I'm not yet ready to accept that I will be studying on April pa. I'm not ready to accept another failure. I'm not yet ready to explain again. And finally I'm not ready to feel the same emotions that I have been experiencing for the past months. If the worst will happen, I hope I have the strength and the power to accept everything and the clear mind to plan again for a new start. Kinakabahan na ako.

Thursday to Tuesday.

Thursday up to today. I am not feeling good. Not good at all. I don't know. I just don't feel good. It's something that I haven't felt since August I think. And everything that makes me feel this way happened in five days. Thursday night up to Saturday is the Depression. Sunday was Anger. Monday was a mix of both and today I'm not yet sure. I don't want this feelings again. I know that I should not think of it and just enjoy for the rest of the day but I don't know why I cannot stop and free my mind about it. Ang Bigat Bigat talaga. I wanted to cool off somewhere last Sunday but I realized that I don't have the budget for it. hahaha I hope that everything that's inside me right know would disappear and make me normal again. haay. hahaha