Ewan

I feel depressed today. I don't know why. nagiging EMO na ba ako? hehehe Siguro it's because I didn't have a good start today and had a bad ending last night. My mom sermoned about something last night and as a result I locked myself in my room and stayed there for the rest of the night. Nahihiya kasi ako and ganun talaga ako, sa room lang parati. hehehe A while ago naman, woke up by 4:30 am to take a shower and be ready for my training by 6:00 am at Rizal Memorial Stadium. So, on the way to Rizal, I asked my dad a question and he answered it in a grumpy way. haay. Sobrang hindi ko inexpect and umagang umaga pa! hahaha Next naman is my training. I haven't been training for a month na since I wanted to focus on our Grand Reunion and wanted to enjoy my last few months as a BUM person. And kanina my performance showed that I was not fit and was not in my natural rhythm. Alam mo yung alam mo na mas magaling ka pa hindi mo lang magawa. booo!! I was feeling that kanina. Oh well. In time babalik din lahat. hahaha

Now, to ease the depression I'm longing for my favorite KopiRoti Iced Kopi!! hahahaha sama kayo? hehehe

Colorgenics

I was browsing my multiply inbox when I saw my friend's blog entry. It was about this test and the result ended up to be true for him. So I tried it and was also amazed in the result.
try it!!! Colorgenics

Name: Marvin
Date: 11/27/2008
Colorgenics Number: 24615307

---

You are very ambitious and because you seek and need recognition, you try in your own way to impress people and you want to be looked up to - to be both popular and admired. You feel that there is a gap which separates you from your fellow man, or woman as the case may be, but this anxiety is an unnecessary one. Keep on the way you are going and you may surprise yourself.

You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.

It is hard for you to accept that your needs and desires are misunderstood by almost everyone within your sphere of influence and there is no one to rely on. Your pent-up emotions and inherent egocentricity make you quick to take offence, but as matters stand you realise that you'll have to make the best of things as they are.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

Striped (YE19 Grand Reunion)

Ayun. So our Youth Encounter organized the Grand Reunion. It happened yesterday. I'm speechless sa galing ng YE19 and sa galing ni God. Imagine, for the past few days umuulan but nung grand reunion, umulan lang nung tapos na yung event. Everything went well. The Venue, the program and the people. Everyone participated and I hope everyone had fun. We were expecting the people to arrive early, pero since mga PILIPINO tayo. One hour late sila. haha dapat nilagay namin na 1pm ang call time. Nevertheless, it was fun. Spelling Game, Singing Bee, Pool Games and Swimming. SAYA!!! and the Food (Amber Pancit and BBQ plus the Adobo Flakes). HAHAHA

To all those who helped out, specially Costy and Migz Ching; SALAMAT TALAGA!!! To the YE19, thanks sa pagpunta and hope you had fun and see you all soon sa mga next activities natin. To the YE19 heads (Kim, CJ, Triz, and Kat) Praise God for you all! So blessed to see how dedicated you guys are and to know na nandiyan kayo to back us up. To the YE19 Coords, Galing natin lahat! Great Minds and Great Leadership! Powerful natin. hahaha To the Shepherds, Thanks for always being there to be our guide and our reminder. Looking forward to work with all of you soon. And to God, Thank you for guiding us in our event. It just proves that with you everything is Possible! Thank you po talaga. Sa mga susunod po na activities ng YE19 ulit.

First time Long time

Excited, Nervous, and Stressed. I have not felt these for a long time but not today. Our Youth Encounter is organizing the Grand Reunion for weeks already and I thank them for I feel a bit relieved. I feel excited because this will be the first time that almost all of the YE19 members will be together again since our YE weekend. I'm also excited to get to know more of them and be their kuya or their new friend. I also feel nervous for this reason, and this reason alone. The weather. Today it's a bit cloudy and rainy. So I hope that by Sunday it will not rain and will not be that hot as well. Now, I feel stressed. hehehe I have a game that requires to cut a song and I just realized this week that the program in our computer that can do that have been deleted by my sister because we don't have enough memory already. So I'm going to sleep at my friends house in moonwalk just to cut the songs. Hello! I live at Quezon City and have to go to Moonwalk in Paranaque just to cut some songs for this game. hahaha oh well. I just hope that the outcome of our Grand Reunion is great and that a lot of the YE19 members will be there. I also just want to see people smiling and enjoying on Sunday. Akay?

Second Chance

I took my Entrance Exam a while ago. Wow. I can finally rest my brain again. hahaha I feel kinda confident because most of the exam just requires to use your stock knowledge. But I'm scared because there were seventy items of Math and most of my answers were hula. hahaha Eh I didn't know what to do na eh and the time limit was very disturbing. There were things that made my exam memorable. First, I forgot to bring a black ball pen. It was not my fault because on the guidelines they only required to bring two pencils. So I ended up borrowing from my seat mate. Thank God she had an extra pen. hehehe Second, I forgot to bring a jacket and guess what, the air conditioner was directly above me. So for the entire exam I was shivering and felt like I'm going to have a cold the next day. Praise God for our fifteen minute break. I was able to escape the harsh cooling aircon and got the chance to see and mingle with friends. After the exam, I discovered that as an athlete we are required to take another test, which is the Battery test. So I'll be back on Tuesday, After which I'm planning to meet with my old friends. I just hope that the battery test is not something that I would regret. hahaha Finally, my life's back on track. First step for my new life.

This day was a very humbling experience for me. I took an entrance exam with most of my roommates two to three years younger than me. I took an exam in a school where I have a lot of batch mates but they will be ahead of me. I took an exam in a school just in front of my old school where I can be back in my old life in just five minutes. And I took an exam that marked the end of the past and at the same time marked the beginning of a new chance. My second chance. My opportunity to excel, be great, learn, to showcase my talents, and most especially to be me. God made me see the reality with these things. That humility is needed for a person to grow. That humiliation is a part of it. All we need to do is to accept and live life. The answer is always just in front of you.

General Science

Okay. So I was studying almost the whole day and now, my mind cannot take information anymore. Information Overload. hahaha (Parang bago naman yung mga lessons. hahaha)Today I studied a little bit of English and Math and focused on Science. The thing is, I once knew these things but since time ruined my brain (hahaha) parang its all new ulit for me. The hardest part for me was General Science. The measurements and all. hahaha NAKALIMUTAN KO NA TALAGA. hahaha I took the practical test and I was wrong with almost all the questions regarding measurements. Oh well. It was also the first time since a long time that I encountered the FOOD WEB, the Planets, TUNDRA, g/cm2 and other stuff again hahaha The last time I saw and discussed these stuff was 5-6 years ago. hahaha How time flies. hahaha ;)) And now I am going to rest. That would be my last review for my entrance exam and I hope that I can get the rest that I need. HAHAHAAH I FEEL LIKE A TEENAGER SAYING THAT. Ohwell, wish me luck for my exam. :))

Dugo

Hello. I just want to share my experience just an hour ago. After waiting long hours for my conference mates to be online. (wala nga lang nag pakita.. hehehe) I decided to go out and eat Dugo. Yes, the street food Dugo also known as Beta Max. The black squared shape street food that is also used for the Pinoy delicacy Dinuguan. hahaha Dugo got its name because it is the blood of a pig. I just don't know what they mix or what they do to make it black. hahaha I have been on an oatmeal diet for some time and missed the bittersweet taste of that street food. I bought 3 sticks for only 9 pesos and it satisfied my hunger:) I asked the manong to make my Dugo "tustado" and immediately after cooking it straight to the suka. YUM YUM. After five to ten minutes of waiting it deserved to have a two to three minutes of eating time:)) hahaha I will never exchange my Dugo for anything else. hehehe

I therefore conclude, that happiness can be found in the simplicity of things. hahaha

Studying Again

Okay. I have been out of school for about six months already, and ever since then I have neither touched nor read any material that is related to school. And guess what, for the past few days I have been studying for an exam this Sunday. Since I have not been using my brains for a long time it is now very hard for my tiny brain to comprehend a lot of things that I have been ignoring for the past months. For example, Math: "Which of these numbers (when simplified) is a rational number?". hahahaha Hello! Let's go on an easier subject, Filipino. I took the comprehensive exam in my reviewer and I got 30 out of 50 items. hahahaha I am now struggling big time just to pass the entrance exam since it will mark a new beginning for me. Although a lot of my friends say that that exam is easy I still want to do good. I want to pass not just for the sake of passing but to add a little bit more of confidence in me. I lost it along time ago and now is the time to redeem myself. I just hope that I can refresh my mind in a short span of time.

Youth Encounter 19

I attended the Youth Encounter 19 last October 24-26 at the BLD covenant house. And since it was a life changing experience for me, I'm going to blog about it.

I was supposed to attend the Youth Encounter(YE) last year with my sister and my FE mates but due to inevitable events, I wasn't able to attend. I thank the Lord for his plan and made me experience the YE this year.

A lot happened to me during the first quarter of this year. January was the month were the Lord called me back into his arms and gave me a position in our ministry.The impact of the first prayer meeting of the year on me was really a call from God, calling me to be back and asks me to serve him. Ever since that day, I never missed a prayer meeting on purpose. But as your faith goes deeper and deeper trials come.

April 2008, The month that changed my life. Before serving for the YLSS and the FE weekend, Something happened. I was on the peak of serving when this happened. I was really down and do not know what to do. Nevertheless I continued to serve the Lord and prays to get my life on track.

June 2008, Back to School. It was the normal back to school for the normal students but for me it was the start of the BUMNESS. Everybody was ahead of me. I stayed at home, lying on my bed, watching TV and other stuff to keep me entertained while my friends are in school leaving me a step behind. It was in that month were I first felt that I'm a failure. Confidence level down. I was acting strong and pretends to be in control but in reality my life was in shambles. My life was in its lowest point. Depression Stage.

July 2008, The Responsibility Month. My parents left for Canada. They had a vacation and left all the responsibilities to us. I handled our business and was in control of everything. My parents were proud of me because I handled the business very well. But for me it was a mean to redeem myself. A way to prove that I am still the old Marvin they knew. That I am still the same old Marvin who can handle responsibilities and was always in control. But as it turns out. I was just making a fool of myself. Pretending that everything is alright. Later did i realize that i was on the Denial Stage.

August to September 2008, acceptance. When my parents came back. It was also the return of my BUMNESS. Lying on my bed all day, watching TV, eating, staying up late and everything that can entertain me; name it, I've done it. It was a daily routine for me. Sleeping by 4am and waking up past 12nn. Eat. Watch TV. Sleep again. Go out with Friends. DVD. Sleep. It was a cycle. I had a lot of time in my hands but all I did was to stay at home and be still. Then I started to realize that nothing will happen if I stayed motionless. Little by little I accepted the fact that I need to move on. So I did. Late September when I was helped out by my coach and gave me the opportunity to take the E Exam. Finally, My life was back on track. Doing things that can help me in the future. Acceptance Stage.

October 2008, God's Plan. With all the things that happened, who would have thought that I can survive? This was the month where my life is going back in line. Things were happening for the better. And the best thing since a long time was the YE. It was in that weekend where I finally surrendered everything to him. All those months of depression and denial gone in just 3 days. The Lord took it from me and gave me a new direction. It just proves that the Lord never leaves our side. He lets us experience pain so that we can learn a lesson from it. A lesson that can help us grow and mature. He helped me project things that can give me pain and helped me ease that pain in advance. He gave me new friends to confide with and new friend to share that wonderful experience. All of this just in 3 days. Galing no? This YE was really Gods plan, he made sure that I was busy last year so that I could not attend the YE and make it to this years YE.

Imagine, all those months of feeling whatsoever. Disappeared in 3 days. Only God can do that. And now I am confident that whatever obstacle I might encounter in the future, I will handle it with pride because God is always with me .:))

Blogging

I posted a blog on my multiply account and ever since that day, I felt something new in me. I felt liberated and I felt lighter. It's like sharing your experiences/problems/feelings with a friend and makes you feel better. It is a journal that can remind you of what you have become or simply remind you of your life. That blog moved me and made me realize that I am a better person inside and out.

Blogging can help people express them selves in a different way. A way that can make the harsh reality of life a piece of cake.

Realization

thememorythatputsasmileonmyface
isthesamememorythat
hauntsme.

This is the first time that I'm gonna broadcast to everybody what I feel for the past months. Kaya pasensya na.hehehe. If you do not know, I have been stuck at home for almost 6 months already eversince that day and not a day passes by without the "What If" questions. I know that I should put the past behind and start to see the future, but the past haunts me every time I think of them. Every moment I spent with my friends. Every Laughter. Every Hardships. Every Sleepless nights. Every Joketime. Every Achievement. Every Dream. Every Gimmicks. All of them. I did all of these without knowing that one day all of these would haunt me. If I could just turn back time and fix everything I would, but I can't. So I just need to face it and step forward.

EmOmode

Facing It wasn't easy. Not easy at all. I can say that it is the hardest process and requires humility, patience and understanding. People will think negative about you especially if you have proven yourself in the past. You cannot face the people who admire you. The downfall of your confidence. Depression. The darkest moment of your life. But come to think of it, your problem is nothing compare to other people. We just dwell on it so much and instantly enters us to the depression stage. That's what I have been doing 2 to 3 months ago. Stuck and Motionless.

shutupandletmeGO

If you humbled yourself, waited and understood. The Light bulb will spark and give you your next move. You can think clearly without your emotions and decide things for the better. I am on this stage right now. I am proud to say that I have empowered depression and defeated its comrades. Although sometimes I cannot stop myself in reminiscing, I just accept it and move forward. I cannot dwell on the past too much. I just need to Step Forward.

I thank my one and only God for not leaving me in this journey alone. I know that everything that happened and that will happen is part of your plan for me and no matter what it takes I will accept it with all my heart. Lakas ng tama mo sa akin Lord.